“The trouble with normal is it always gets worse.” Bruce Cockburn
I’ve never been “normal;” I’ve always been a bit off, a little funky, strange, outer-worldly. I’ve sought normal; tried to fit in and be accepted. Didn’t work. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that I’m on the fringe; always on the “outside looking in at other’s lives.” Indigo Girls
A series of traumas left me with a half of myself missing. The part that could complete a task. The me that was creative, imaginative, productive. A me that could laugh (not just cry); could invent; could express themselves in voice and in written words. Ten years of my life slipped past.
I want to be reborn as more of a whole. To regain that lost half. That’s why I started this challenge to myself. But, irony of irony, the very things I was trying to overcome have held me back. yet again.
I always have good intentions; plan out how to “do” rather than just “think” things; and then . . .
Well, I have plans . . .
Just like a poem and a picture a day. I write at least one poem a day, and take pictures on a regular basis. Each continues to inform the other. The problem is taking my compositions and illustrations, “computerizing,” melding, and posting.
But, I have to keep my goals (small/large, short/long) achievable or I become overwhelmed and freeze. I’ve done that here. Other responsibilities and illness have also kept me off the computer.
So, I absolve myself of the daily post. I’ve tried month-long writing challenges and just couldn’t keep up. I was setting a high goal in hopes that it would revive me, push me forward, help make me whole.
But, I can’t abandon the idea of challenge to change. Poems pop into my head; I should let them flow onto the computer screen and then into the blog. Here goes with restart #2.
I’ll never be normal, but maybe I can be myself again.